18 April 2013

Easter Saturday Night at Montreal Sex Club Le Celeste

In my series of real Montreal sex stories, I take you inside some of the city's most notorious sex clubs. Read on to find out how my husband and I pick up other swinger couples & hot singles for threesomes, foursomes, and orgies. 

Below you'll find a review of our most recent visit to Le Céleste.

 * * *

It’s been quite a while since PC and I checked in at Le Céleste. Want the full 411 on the scene, including my take on the price hikes, the latest renovations, the players, and the action? Keep reading. You won’t be disappointed. 

It Pays to Play 

If you’re looking for a cheap fix on the occasional Saturday night and you’re the type who likes to pick up a couple and play off premises, you may want to think twice before heading to the Céleste

First off, you’ll need a membership card. It will set you back $40.00, and it now expires after six months instead of a year. (This seems to be a trend in Montreal: L’Orage also reduced the duration of its membership to six months.) Next, you’ll pay the price of admission: $45.00 per couple. Once inside, you can buy water, Bawls guaraná energy drink, or pop. These range in price from $4.00 to $6.00 a piece. 

Add it all up, and you’ve spent over $100.00. Ok, some of you may be rolling you eyes and thinking, “C’mon, Emma, get real!” True, true, $100.00 isn’t much if you consider what dinner and drinks would cost, etc. etc., but keep reading and you’ll understand why I find this expensive for Le Céleste.  My advice? If you want to make the most of your night out, I recommend that you play on premises. With a little luck, you may score two or three couples in one night or even an orgy. (More bang for your buck?)

Value Village Décor

Do any of you remember the C back in its halcyon days, when it was just a metro stop away on Saint-Hubert Street? The shoddy, homemade plywood play spaces with their tacky, low-budget décor, complete with dusty stuffed tigers, fake vine leaves, and plaster sculptures? Back then the club possessed all the dubious charms of a third-rate vaudeville theatre. 

I bet some of you can still recall how your knees ached on those cement-hard cots covered in thick black vinyl. What about the stifling, insufferable heat? I almost passed out once after a fucking session in one of the small red-light rooms. 

For those of you who love kitsch and have a soft spot in your hearts for grandma’s bargain basement aesthetic, you’ll be happy to know that the Céleste has remained true to its roots. The décor is unchanged. If anything, it now boasts of an even greater number of cheesy accouterments. 

Mad Handyman’s Plywood Maze 

The new maze of corridors and playrooms fail to live up to their potential: The overabundance of tight, two-person only rooms; the inadequate size of the larger private quarters; and the wasted open space in the Roman area cause bottlenecks to form around the handful of highly coveted spaces. 

Blessed with tiny lungs? Count yourself lucky: The most recent round of renovations have done little to improve the ventilation in the play spaces. On the upside, the risk of suffocation goads people to play and quickly move on, so rooms free up at regular intervals. 

The kinkier among you will be pleased with the expansion of the "dungeon," which now includes a Saint-Andrew’s cross, a suspension platform, a sex swing, and a prie-dieu. The drawback? The grated iron door won't lock from the inside, so you can’t guarantee privacy. 

The Players 

The Céleste seems to have benefitted from the recent closure of Sauna 1082, once one of the city’s sleekest sex clubs. (There, you could treat yourself to private fantasy hotel-style rooms — you know, with real mattresses and big enough to accommodate, say, 10 people around the double or queen-sized bed). 

Case and point: On Easter Saturday we observed a good number of fit, attractive couples in their late 20s to early 40s. Instead of the usual Rx Soleil-shade-of-burnt, wannabe-playmate-platinum-blonde, skeezy-lingerie-and-stripper-heels types, women wore tastefully sexy party dresses and stilettos, for the most part. Likewise, a good number of men made an effort to please: The slob-special, ratty T-shirt and dirty, baggy jeans desperadoes were grossly outnumbered by well-groomed hotties in clean jeans and collared shirts. 

We even ran into some familiar faces.... and got to play the night away....! (More on that soon!)

Bordello Action

In spite of all the drawbacks I've just painstakingly listed above, the Céleste was nevertheless mad busy. Once the action started it didn't stop until closing. Imagine: Guys running around in their briefs,  desperately looking for clean sheets and towels; naked women riding their lovers in unison; two women tag-teaming inside the glory hole room (I stuck my finger through a hole and one of them sucked it like it was a cock! So hot!). Everywhere you looked, something was going down. 

The Low Down

Although the Céleste's most recent incarnation is overpriced considering its poorly planned interior design, it is now the only sex club in town to offer guests the choice of private, semi-private, and open rooms — a definite plus if you're a newbie just getting into the scene.

In short, if the club's kitsch factor turns you on, or, alternately, if your only focus is sex and you plan to make regular use of your membership card, the Céleste will likely live up to your expectations. 


Anonymous said...

Very nice description, Emma, especially of the finger in the glory hole. I once went to a sex club of this sort in Eastern Europe, and when I stuck my cock in the glory hole, someone at the other end coated it with lard! To top it off, someone then used my cock on the other side of the hole to spread some rye bread with the lard, sprinkled paprika on it, and then offered it to me after finishing me off. Best meal I ever had, though I'm now, sadly, suffering from coronary heart disease.

Emmanuelle Undine said...

@Anonymous: OMG! A wham fetish glory-hole moment!!!! That's nuts! Tell me more about this sex club!

(Sorry to hear about your heart condition. :( If it's any consolation, I've had to reduce significantly my intake of sugar, coffee, gluten, and anything with yeast --so no alcohol, bread, etc. - on account of a dietary intolerance bordering on allergy....)

Anonymous said...

I am new to the city and have been wondering for some time if the club was worth the sojourn.
Your critique was insightful to the point that I realize that, at this time, I am not ready for this club.

Emmanuelle Undine said...

@Anonymous: I'm glad to be of service :)

Anonymous said...

Is there an upscale club that you would recommend for first timers? Visiting in July. Thanks!

Emmanuelle Undine said...


Well, it depends on what you mean by "upscale"....

With the closure of Sauna 1082, l'Orage is the classiest club in town. Something to keep in mind: It's open concept, with no private play spaces.

It does have a fully licensed bar though, so you can always walk in, tour the place, and hang out at the bar if you are not comfortable jumping into something.

Good luck!

Emma xox

Anonymous said...

Hi Emma. My SO and have decided to embark into soft swing for now. Really just want to start with the voyeur thing where we watch a couple have sex and/or they watch us. We've decided to try the clubs in Montreal first. Definitely looking for something upscale. Based on your blog, my take on Celeste is that it is kitchy, low end, and cheesy? Correct? L'orage sounds better, especially since it has a bar and we'll need some liquid courage. Can you elaborate on your comment that L'Orage does not have private rooms? So is it basically an all out gang bang, or can you kind of get your own little corner, have sex, but not be bothered, groped, etc. Really need some help here. I'm trying to convince the SO to try out ClubX in Toronto/Missisauga? Have you ever heard of it. It appears to much more higher end, classy, with better clientele maybe. any advice you could give would be appreciated, We are newbies and kind of want our first experience to be a good one.


Emmanuelle Undine said...


I think you're right on target with my assessment of Celeste. As for l'Orage, it is classier, but be careful with liquid courage: I counsel against getting intoxicated at a sex club. For one, alcohol clouds your judgment. You may regret your actions later, which is really terrible considering that the afterglow can be one of the high points of exhibitionistic or anonymous group sex. Second, some experienced players get turned off by intoxicated newbies. We've turned down (usually hot and young) couples because they were visibly tipsy or drunk.

Let me elaborate on open concept. L'Orage has two floors. On the ground floor you have a bar, seating area, and dance floor. The "back room" is all open, with beds scattered, some elevated on platforms, others at just the right height to fuck someone from behind. Anyone on any of these beds can see what is going on everywhere else, except for the beds closest to the entrance, which have curtains. The caveat, if you are shy? Curtains aren't doors: You have no control over who parts the curtains and decides to watch.

The second floor is more intimate. The main play room is smaller, but, again, is it all open. If you happen to be hot and the players that night are aggressive, you will get groped. It happened to PC and I. Men and women had their hands all over me. It got to be a bit much.

There is also a patio on the second floor, equipped with a jacuzzi....

I hope this helps! Sadly, I have not had the chance to tour the clubs in the GTA. One day! A girl can dream.... ;)

Do tell me how you make out!

Emma xox

Anonymous said...

My girlfriend and I went to Le Celeste about 6 months ago. I totally agree with your assessment of the decor and layout of the place.

We found that not a lot of action happened. We saw one attractive couple fucking in the "roman" area, but they were so professional and always around that we assumed they were some sort of paid entertainment.

For the most part, the rest of the evening was lots of clothed people walking around hoping to find someone else having sex.

My GF and I (me in my early 40s and she in her mid 20s) were nearly the youngest people in the house (she was, definitely). There was one other couple who was under 40, but the rest was late 40s to early 60s, I think.

What we were really hoping for was to connect with a single woman for mostly G-G play and or a couple for soft-swapping. But it just didn't happen.

We're new at this. The private/semi-private nature of Le Celeste seemed the best for us, but now I wonder if the more open plan of L'Orage might be better?

Though my GF is a bit shy and she would ideally prefer finding a couple and then moving to a private space. Le Celeste offers this, but it just didn't happen.

Would you recommend trying Le Celeste again in case we just hit a bad night, or should we get more edgy and go to L'Orage?

Or, your post mentioning the ballroom makes me wonder if we shouldn't try to go to a dance club like that, or maybe a mixed-sex gay dance club to pick up a woman for my GF to play with, and perhaps take her back to our place?

Any suggestions for us?

Emmanuelle Undine said...

Hi again!

You said: "GF is a bit shy and she would ideally prefer finding a couple and then moving to a private space. Le Celeste offers this, but it just didn't happen."

You can go to L'Orage, find yourselves a sexy couple to your liking, and, if you are too shy or not into playing on-premises, check in to a motel nearby (we've done that). Keep in mind that you may want to negotiate boundaries before leaving the club, especially if you want a soft-swap.

You also said: "Would you recommend trying Le Celeste again in case we just hit a bad night?"

Sure! I mean, ewe gave up on the place for almost a year, and then went back to check it out. We had a good time both times. Keep in mind that we went on Saturday nights only....

Then, you said: "Or, your post mentioning the ballroom makes me wonder if we shouldn't try to go to a dance club like that, or maybe a mixed-sex gay dance club to pick up a woman for my GF to play with, and perhaps take her back to our place?"

Sounds like a brilliant idea. PC picked up a lot of bi women in the Village when he was single. We've been meaning to try together. Maybe this summer?

Let me know how things work out for you!

Emma xox

Jules Valdi said...

Hello there. We are planning a trip to Montreal sometime in the middle of August 2013, and we were wondering if you could recommend a swingers club to go. We are in our early 40 and "I" like to dance so we prefer clubs that have a good DJ and the lady’s dance, and get pump-up before getting to a room or hotel lol.. When we visit Toronto we usually attend the X club and in a couple of occasions we have visited the Ozone club.

Anonymous said...


We're a swinger couple, 35H/26F. We agree with all that you wrote. We find celeste a little cheesy compared to regular night clubs. The crowd is a little older than we would like too. We've been to l'orage and it is pretty much the same. Neither can touch X Club in TO. That place is a hundred times better both in crowd and location.

We had never thought about the village idea. Any recommendations on where to go?

Emmanuelle Undine said...

Hey village cruisers,

I have no actual recommendations so far, since we haven't been to the village on a regular basis for some time. One thing to note: The lesbian scene appears to have moved north to the Mile End (The Royal Phoenix is a staple). Perhaps some bi women hang out there too? It's worth a try!

Good luck + if you find a hot spot, let the rest of us know! ;)

E. xoxo