Sirens & Starfish

The woman you fuck, the woman you marry: The siren and the starfish. The first seduces and emasculates you; the other lies in bed, staring at the ceiling. Silent, immobile, spread out like a five-pointed Asteroidea clinging to the sea floor, she waits for you to finish.

Do men still think of women in terms of this kind of reductive, virgin/whore dichotomy? Do women still judge each other according to these stereotypes? Is there any way to reconcile these archetypal extremes?

The Siren 

The myth of the siren is long standing. In 800 BCE* she torments the ancient Greek hero Odysseus. Accompanied by her two sisters, we meet her at sea, perched on a barren rock, holding fast with her clawed, bird-like feet. Beneath her lie strewn the carcasses of foolhardy seamen. As soon as his ship sails within earshot, she parts her lips to sing her sweet song of seduction.

Homer never gives us the dirty deets on what Odysseus hears, but we do gain insight into the power of the siren’s words. Odysseus, desperate to break free from the bonds that hold him fast to his ship’s mast, frantic to heed the siren’s call, is lashed tighter, rope on chaffing rope, by two of his strongest men.

The siren also assumes the guise of Helen of Sparta, the temptress whose epic beauty launch'd a thousand ships. At a decisive moment in the Greeks’ assault on the city of her cowardly paramour, Paris, when their best soldiers hide within the wooden horse inside the walls of Troy, she lures them with her seductive guile. Calling out to each Achaean fighter by name, she echoes the voices of their long-lost wives....

These two mythological examples make one thing clear: The siren’s song speaks to a man’s most deep-seated and urgent desires. Magically attuned to his sexual needs, she conquers him by insinuating herself into his fantasies.

The Starfish

The prototype of the starfish: Patient Penelope, the virtuous wife of our sailor king Odysseus, a woman who hasn’t been laid in 20 years, yet who diligently refuses the male attention of over 100 eager suitors. With a little imagination, what a gang bang that could’ve been. (I wonder if this scenario has ever made it into porn?)

True, these men were seeking this sugar mama’s fortune, but they were close to a decade younger than she, in the bloom of manhood. What a treat for a woman in her thirties – in the peak of her sexual prime. Once they got her going, I bet she could out-screw them all.

(You think I’m exaggerating? Read Catherine Millet’s autobiographical novel The Sexual Life of Catherine M.... She’s real, she’s insatiable, and in her orgy days she’d fuck so many men she’d often lose count.)

The appeal of the starfish lies in the illusion of security that she provides to her man. Seemingly without libido, she is unlikely to make an ass of him by cheating, or so the story goes. Like Penelope, her actions appear to uphold his untarnished image to his peers.

But the security she offers is illusory: In denying her own sexual needs, in depending on one man to fulfill them all, she burdens him with an impossible task. Like Sisyphus, his is a never-ending, uphill struggle.

Sadly for her, she’s also not the first thing on her man’s mind when he returns home. Take our Odysseus: During one of his many stops on his 10-year voyage, he speaks fondly of his kingdom/man cave and of seeing his son; he only mentions his wife as an afterthought.

Say Yessss to the Siren 

If the siren seems to anticipate her lover’s needs, it is because she is aware of her own. The threat she poses is merely a projection of male fears onto the oceanic female libido – fears of not measuring up, or maybe of jizzing to death?

The bottom line is this: If you can silence your insecurities, her dynamic sexuality will probably make you feel younger, not to mention live longer, in the bargain. So go ahead, guys, get serious with the siren.

And women: Express the siren side of your psyche. Take responsibility for your pleasure. You'll have better sex. It’ll also make you a better lover. 

Besides, I have a theory that, under the right conditions, all starfish are sirens in the making anyway. At least that’s what my hands-on field research – my group-sex experiences – have led me to understand.

Note:

*BCE = Before Common Era (i.e., the new, politically correct way to write “BC” – Before Christ)